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The Gospel According to St. Kasper

The Gospel According to St. Kasper
by Michael Lofton

The Gospel According to St. Kasper

Chapter 14 (New Sarcastic Version)

The Message of John the Baptist

1. And it came to pass that King Herod took his brother’s wife Herodias to be his wife. 2. John the Baptist began preaching about Herod saying: “It is not lawful for you to have her.” 3. Herodias was greatly offended and indignant that someone would dare to judge her. 4. And it came to pass that the Apostle Kasper heard about John’s words and approached him 5. saying:

“Brother John, don’t you know the Lord said ‘Judge not lest ye be judged?’ 6. Since we are not God, we are not able to read the interior dispositions of people in such situations and thus should avoid making rash judgments. 7. It is true that from a doctrinal perspective their situation may be objectively immoral, but we are dealing with a subjective case and should not think it sufficient to merely apply doctrine to practice. 8. The doctrine of adultery is one thing, the practice of how we treat those in adultery is another. 9. Don’t you know your words were offensive and were more likely to push Herod and Herodias away from God than bring them closer to him? 10. We must focus on the good elements in their situation rather than call them to an ideal standard. Surely you know that the commitment they have towards one another is a good element, and consequently we should praise such aspects in their relationship. 11. Surely you know we must be merciful towards those who aren’t perfect and we can’t expect them to reach a standard that only someone with heroic virtue can attain. 12. Rather than sit in judgment and hurl stones at such people, you would do better to accompany them on their faith journey.”

13. John the Baptist ignored the words of Apostle Kasper and continued to preach the message of God. 14. And it came to pass that the Apostle Kasper had John the Baptist relieved of his ministerial duties and replaced him with the newly promoted Apostle Judas.

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